Don't Hate, Mediate!

Did Fox News Make Herman Cain Look "Too Black"? Distorted Images Can Change the Completion of an Issue Causing Unnecessary Conflict

2011-09-27T18:42:00.008-04:00

Brian and I were watching a previously taped show of Shannon Breen’s interview with Herman Cain and Rich Santorum. I noticed that the camera angle shown of Shannon Breen interviewing Herman Cain was very unusual in that it only showed the back of Shannon’s head and only the right cheek of her face, while showing Herman Cain’s full face and front of his body. The unusual camera shot showed Shannon’s hair color change from an almost golden orange to golden blond and her complexion was a skewed to almost orange, while the image of Herman Cain showed him about three shades darker than how he normally appears on television. At first we thought it was the television, however, as the camera shot switched between interviews with Cain and Santorum, we noticed how the camera showed more of Shannon Breen’s face as she interviewed Rick Santorum.

The differences in tint and disparity in the depiction of the candidates’ complexions were remarkable. During the Cain interview, I noticed Shannon’s hair color change as Herman Cain’s completion was distorted. Shannon’s hair looked unnatural as Herman Cain’s skin darkened and became so distorted it was almost menacing. Because the camera shot showed very little of Shannon Breen’s face, disparities in her complexion was less noticeable because there was less flesh being shown. In addition, the prominent flesh shot of Herman Cain was very dark, darker than he normally appears.

Distorting the lightning to make Cain appear menacing, even frightening, and less appealing is childish and unprofessional. Whether this was an intentional act or unwittingly done, it was an unprofessional act on the part of the Fox News (which includes camera people, executive producers and editors). This behavior needs to be addressed.

If we noticed the disparity in the images, I am sure millions of other views saw the same thing. This is especially troublesome for a network that boasts that they are “fair and balanced.” The management of Fox News needs to address this matter and stop show producers from engaging in potentially incendiary acts.

Millicent Carvalho Grevious, PhD, LSW
Why Can't We Get Along?

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Conflict that Hinders Weight Loss

2011-03-20T10:46:00.002-04:00

How many of us know the workings of every diet imaginable? Yet we can't manage to get to the desired weight that would keep us healthy? Weight Loss is a billion dollar industry. Yet, the the most effective treatment is a change in life style and is almost free. Conflict within you as well as conflict that you may have with your family (spouse, kids, parents), co-workers, friends, etc. could be making you fat.

I would be interested in hearing how you manage conflict in your life.

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Don't Let Good Intentions Drive You Out of Control

2011-03-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

The escalation of "oppression" tactics and violence strategies used to intervene in violence among youth are out of control. Is it appropriate for a police officer to handcuff a five-year old child? What happens when a teacher uses physical force to teach a student a lesson? Tune in for a no holds barred discussion with hosts, Dr. Carvalho and Brian Grevious.

whycantwegetalong.com

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Vote Your Conscience: Contain Irrational Exuberance

2010-11-02T10:32:00.000-04:00

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Today is election day. Vote your conscience. Tune in for a rational discussion of the dangers of identity politics. Listen to Husband and wife team, Dr. Millicent Carvalho and Brian Grevious, as they discuss how to manage conflict and irrational exuberance as you exercise your right to vote.

Vote Your Conscience: Contain Irrational Exuberance

2010-11-02T10:24:00.004-04:00

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Today is election day. Vote your conscience. Tune in for a rational discussion of the dangers of identity politics. Listen to Husband and wife team, Dr. Millicent Carvalho and Brian Grevious, as they discuss how to manage conflict and irrational exuberance as you exercise your right to vote.

Can Good Intentions Drive You Out of Control?

2010-06-03T15:03:00.006-04:00

Should social workers and other public service workers be required reporters of illegal immigration?

2010-05-15T17:29:00.003-04:00

What role will social workers have in the implementation of Arizona's new illegal immigration bill? I am concerned that social workers in public service jobs will have conflicting roles.

Is Arizona’s immigration enforcement law discriminatory or protecting national sovereignty?

2010-05-13T19:31:00.002-04:00

There are many conflict perspectives on the Arizona's immigration enforcement law. Eileen Albillar a social worker living in Arizona joins Brian and me in a discussion on Arizona's law.

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My Way or the Highway

2010-04-26T13:22:00.002-04:00

What happens when "getting your own way" is the worst possible outcome? Tune in to hear a no holds barred discussion.

At "Why Can't We Get Along?' we discuss how mediation tools can help you to handle conflict while avoiding court battles and power struggles peacefully, practically and before arbitration becomes necessary. I am a conflict resolution coach, experienced mediator, ombudsman, trainer and licensed doctoral-level social worker. My co-host and husband, Brian is a trained mediator and ombudsman, retired police detective and former private investigator. In addition, he has a M.A in Administration and B.A. in Industrial Relations and Organizational Behavior.

www.whycantwegetalong.com

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The Dark Side of Social Networking

2010-03-29T16:12:00.001-04:00

Philadelphia's Flash Mobs lack civility and respect for self and others.

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Philadelphia’s Flash Mobs

2010-03-29T14:34:00.000-04:00

Lots of good activities have come from social networking, for example, My Space, Online dating, Facebook and Online courses. However, there is a dark side to this pop culture phenomenon. Tune in for a frank and insightful discussion about Flash Mobs in Philadelphia with Kaari Pitts from the London School of Economics and Political Science.

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Heath Care Reform by Any Means Necessary

2010-03-24T14:41:00.001-04:00

Using Alinsky’s methods to achieve health care reform is the antithesis of obtaining agreement for change. The country has to change how we interact with each other. Tune in to "Why can't we get along?" to hear a discussion about power, oppression and relationships.

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"Playing to Strength: Leveraging Gender at Work” by Dr. Alice Adams

2010-03-22T21:34:00.004-04:00

Women's History Month:

Is it in our best interest to be too informal at worK?

Avoid gender bias and conflict when making decisions involving women,in the workplace. Hear executive coach and diversity trainer, Dr. Adams, talk about how stereotyped perceptions of gender differences (i.e., “Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus") actually hinder productive relationships. In addition, learn a technique for avoiding
pitfalls and getting along.

Go to my website and click "Listen." and "Archived Shows" (www.whycantwegetalong.com)

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Caregiving: Professionals Don't Have All the Answers

2010-03-10T10:09:00.006-05:00

I certainly had an awakening after becoming the primary caretaker for my older sister. Listen to my no holds barred discussion with Dr. Beckett about conflict in caregiving situations. Dr. Beckett is the author of “Lifting Our Voices,”Professor Emertia of Social Work, Virginia Commonwealth University and clinical social worker shares strategies for coping more effectively.

At "Why Can't We Get Along?" we assist you to cope more effectively by helping you to resolve conflict practically and privately. Contact Dr. Carvalho @

www.whycantwegetalong.com (Click "Listen"to hear the Podcast of the interview with Dr. Beckett)

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Joyce Beckett: Author of "Lifting Our Voices"

2010-03-10T09:56:00.007-05:00

Many of us expect professionals to have the answers, but few know the real challenges of caregiving until they experience it first-hand. I certainly had an awakening after becoming the primary caretaker for my older sister. Dr. Joyce Beckett author of “Lifting Our Voices,”Professor Emertia of Social Work, Virginia Commonwealth University and clinical social worker shares strategies for coping more effectively. Listen to my no holds barred discussion with Dr. Beckett about conflict in caregiving situations.

At "Why Can't We Get Along?" we assist you to cope more effectively by helping you to resolve conflict practically and privately. Contact Dr. Carvalho @

www.whycantwegetalong.com (Click "Listen" to hear the Podcast of the interview with Dr. Beckett)

Comments let us know what you think and help us to respond to your interests.

Lifting Our Voices: Lessons from Family Caregivers

2010-03-08T20:54:00.007-05:00

This show bought many back memories (many happy) of caregiving for my older sister who passed away in 2007 at the age of 57.

Tune in for this unique perspective of conflict in caregiving from a book of personal stories of caregivers. Many of us expect professionals to have the answers, but few know the real challenges of caregiving until they experience it first-hand. Dr. Joyce Beckett author of “Lifting Our Voices,”Professor Emertia of Social Work, Virginia Commonwealth University and clinical social worker shares strategies for coping more effectively

Go to my website @ www.whycantwegetalong.com and click "Listen."

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The Power of Pause

2010-03-01T09:21:00.007-05:00

Should you pause before "telling somebody off," even if you believe you have a good reason?

This week Nance Guilmartin, author of the Power of Pause: How to be More Effective in a Demanding, 24/7 World answers this question. Nance offers good insight into what could happen if you don’t pause and reconsider other points of view. This got me to thinking about my own practice as a mediator and conflict resolution coach, where I assist people in conflict to reconsider their position, in a conflict situation, and entertain different perspectives of the problem. Being “right” in a conflict situation, for example, does not necessarily make for a “right” or good outcome. Moreover, if you have positional authority or the power to make decisions, pausing, before making an important decision, should be your standard practice.

Consider what happen to Officer Kermit A. Tyler on December 7, 1941. You may remember that Tyler was the officer who ignored radar warnings of the Japanese planes invading Pearl Harbor. Tyler’s dismissed the information on his radar screen and uttered these famous words: ‘Don’t worry about it.” Well, we all know what happened next.

The lesson here is to pause before you dismiss or ignore important information or clues (like facial expressions), but this is easier said than done. Nance Guilmartin explains why it is important to learn a new habit, that is, the habit of pausing before acting, especially if you are upset. The problem I have found in assisting people to mediate a conflict is that the first step some make is to appeal immediately to the intellect rather than the hidden emotional components that drive behavior or decision making. However, conflict resolution training and conflict coaching can help you to change.

For more information go to: www.whycantwegetalong.com
Click “listen” and hear the full interview with Nance Guilmartin.

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Amy Bishop and Faculty Violence: Is the Tenure Process that Distressful?

2010-02-22T07:37:00.010-05:00

Amy Bishop, a smart, disciplined and violent professor at the Huntsville campus of the University of Alabama, shot six of her colleagues (three died and three are in critical condition). Listen to a no holds barred discussion about distress and the tenure process and what colleges and universities can do to best support new faculty. Click the title of this post, then press "Archived Shows" (Faculty Violence).

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Rules for Change: Problems with Alinsky Methods

2010-02-11T11:29:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I read a commentary by former Governor Wilder, where he criticized President Obama for his lack of executive leadership. The whole situation makes me realize the urgency of changing how we interact with each other. Tune in to "Why can't we get along?" to hear what John (White Eagle) Tracy has to say about power, oppression and relationships.

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Why can’t we get along ? – Rules for Change

2010-02-10T19:16:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I read a commentary by former Governor Wilder, where he criticized President Obama for his lack of executive leadership. President Obama also has been criticized for employing Alinsky’s adversarial methods in forcing health care reform (Obama Care), despite the repudiation from the majority of the American public. Tune in to our Internet radio show for an illuminating conversation regarding perceptions of culture and power with Dr. John (White Eagle) Tracy, Chair of the Social Work Department at Western Illinois University and Alinsky scholar. The whole situation makes me realize the urgency of changing how we interact with each other. Are Saul Alinsky’s Methods the Antithesis of Obtaining Agreement for Change?

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Stop Bullying in Schools

2010-01-22T17:17:00.006-05:00

Don't Miss This Informative Show Beginning Monday, January 25, on Webtalkradio.net

Tune in for a no holds barred in-depth interview with Naomi Drew, an expert on bullying in schools and author of “No Kidding About Bullying.” Learn ready to use techniques that help kids manage anger, resolve conflicts, build empathy, and get along.

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Don't Hate, Mediate!: Health Care Reform

2010-01-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

Don't Hate, Mediate!: Health Care Reform

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Health Care Reform

2010-01-21T08:09:00.004-05:00

Why can’t we get along? Just read an e-mail from Organizing for America that said: “Yesterday's disappointing election [Scott Brown (R) Massachusetts elected to the US Senate] results show deep discontent with the pace of change. Research on conflict management offers that in situations where the potential harm of confronting the problem is perceived as greater than the benefits of its resolution, individuals will attempt to avoid conflict. Change produces conflict. The president's response is to continue to push for change, but without full transparency and support of the American people. Go figure.

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Conflict and Convicts

2010-01-18T18:19:00.005-05:00

Brian and I have posted a terrific interview with a prison psychologist.

Ever wonder what really goes on in prison and how staff can help prisoners resolve conflict? Tune in for a no holds barred discussion with a prison psychologist, and learn how staff cope with the threat of violence and what steps one prison has taken to rehabilitate inmates, who are reintegrating into society.

Seth Williams

2010-01-06T22:24:00.003-05:00

Philadelphia District Attorney, Seth Williams, talks about “Change Through Evolution”
Tune in and listen to the innovative plans the D.A., proposes to implement in 2010.

10 Most Popular New Year’s Resolutions and the Conflict They Produce

2010-01-06T22:17:00.003-05:00

A problem is not a problem, unless it is perceived as a problem. Using real-life examples, conflict resolution experts, Millicent Carvalho and Brian Grevious critique the most popular New Year’s resolutions. Tune in for an entertaining and instructive discussion of different perspectives of the same problem.

Asian Student Conflict in Philadelphia and the NAACP: What is the NAACP’s position in this controversy?

2009-12-21T17:45:00.005-05:00

Why is it more acceptable to acknowledge racial intimidation when it involves African-American victims and white perpetrators but not Asian-American victims and African American perpetrators?

Racial intimidation is unacceptable regardless whether it involves African- American victims and white perpetrators or Asian-American victims and African-American perpetrators. Why is it important to have an impartial mediator when attempting to resolve a community conflict? Click the link in the title and hear our hosts discuss these issues as well as address the need to support victims of racial intimidation.

Photos from Mr Chen Duming

2009-12-16T16:24:00.001-05:00

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Conferencing

2009-12-16T16:19:00.001-05:00

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China Forum: Responding to the Financial Crises

2009-12-08T11:14:00.003-05:00

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Philadelphia D.A. Elect, Seth Williams, “Change Through Evolution,” Part I

2009-11-23T09:05:00.005-05:00

Tough on crime and strong on coalition-building, Seth Williams, District Attorney Elect for the City of Philadelphia, explains how his background and experience have shaped his vision for ensuring public safety, assisting young people to resolve conflict constructively and being an agent for change. Part II will air 11/30.

Seth Williams is the first African-American elected district attorney of the largest major city in the country. He has many fresh ideas that are predicted to be innovative and trailblazing.

Listen to Millicent and Brian interview Seth Williams on WebtallkRadio.net

Conquer Your Fears and Expand Your World: Get the 411 on Approaching a Book

2009-11-16T07:38:00.006-05:00

Why is academic dialogue an effective tool for facilitating a rhetorical community and transforming conflict that can arise when students engage in new territory?

Dr. Olga Dugan, Assistant Professor of English at the Community College of Philadelphia, 2008 recipient of the Lindback Award for Excellence in Teaching, and poet and playwright shares innovative techniques for how to approach a book whether you're reading for fun (book club) or class.

Are you ready for love?

2009-11-10T22:52:00.001-05:00

Tune in for an inspirational story of how love transformed formed one couple’s relationship. Listen to the real-life story of real-life celebrities, Bobbie and Jerry Samuels (Napoleon XIV) who recently rekindled their love. Jerry wrote the 60s hit song, “They Are Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa” and co-authored, “The Shelter of Your Arms” with Sammy Davis, Jr.

The Unintended Consequences of Miscommunications

2009-11-02T15:53:00.002-05:00

Want to avoid an argument or battle with your husband, wife or domestic partner? Don’t miss this unique opportunity to hear how differently a man and a woman respond to a heated discussion on a sensitive subject. Listen to real-life examples of the unintended consequences of miscommunications. You won’t be disappointed.

People Need Accurate Information and the Media Needs to Tell the Truth

2009-10-31T21:55:00.002-04:00

Tune in to our Internet radio show, "Why can't we get along?" for a spirited discussion of partisan reporting of the news and how misinformation exacerbates conflict. Learn steps you can take to avoid it. In addition, learn what China is doing to manage domestic conflict more peacefully. Dr. Carvalho talks about her recent trip to China at the invitation of the Chinese.

Obama Advances the Cause of Peaceful Dialogue: The Power of an Apology

2009-10-09T14:47:00.003-04:00

In response to President Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, some ask, “For what? It was a courageous act for a sitting president of one of the most powerful nations in the world to apologize for his country’s past mistakes and arrogance.

Millicent Carvalho

Youth Violence Overshadowed by Olympics

2009-10-02T21:23:00.002-04:00

Youth Violence in Chicago Overshadowed by President Obama’s Visit to Copenhagen to Tout Chicago for the 2016 Olympics

How has the hype of the Olympics overshadow the true underpinnings that currently face Chicago? Tune in for a no holds barred, spirited discussion that will explore single parenting, youth violence and the role of the Black church and how they have shaped poverty in Chicago. Hear a different perspective of these current issues.

Listen to my Podcast on webtalk Radio.

Why Can't We Get Along: Voting Right or Voting Rights?

2009-09-21T09:26:00.001-04:00

This week on WebtalkRadio.net, listen to Dr. Carvalho and her co-host engage in difficult conversations surrounding race and politics as influencers of political change. They address controversial questions such as, should you vote with your race and how can you deal with conflict when others perceive your voting choices as being non-conformist.

Host of "Why can't we get along?" WebtalkRadio.net

www.whycantwegetalong.com

Do you hate your child's school and want an alternative?

2009-09-05T08:42:00.008-04:00

Listen to what Dr. Carvalho has to say on WebtalkRadio.net. The Show is titled, "Transitions."

Post a question or comment here at "Don't Hate, Mediate."

Practice what you preach

2009-08-31T18:31:00.005-04:00

What peaceful conflict resolution practices have you modeled for youth?

Does heath care reform mean the end of dialogue?

2009-08-26T09:24:00.003-04:00

Seems the new approach to gathering support for national health care reform is to gather and march but not to discuss the issues and different perspectives. Go figure.

Is the town hall meeting process meant to "get Americans right"?

2009-08-19T14:39:00.005-04:00

Are the democrats using the town hall meeting process to provide Americans with an “an offer they can not refuse.” Legislators stress the importance of a cognitive understanding of health care reform while suppressing emotional content. Ignoring strong negative emotions in town hall meetings only escalates the conflict. Most would agree that there is little comfort in being ask to trust the government to ensure that citizens receive the type of health care that individuals desire. No one knows what "adequate" health care really means. Can fears be mediated? No! Could dialogue and deliberation be an effective tool for discussing a nationalized system of heath care? Absolutely. The motive for the town hall meeting should be to listen and inform; it should not be used as a pawn in an ulterior motive.

Concerned about your daughter drinking while away at college?

2009-08-18T08:48:00.006-04:00

Listen to what Dr. Carvalho has to say about social anxiety and binge drinking among college wome on webtalk radio.
"
Click on the link and look for the podcast titled, "Excess: media and personal behaviors."

Post a question or comment here at "Don't Hate, Mediate."

Why can't we get along?

2009-08-12T08:38:00.015-04:00

Why don't politicians utilize trained facilitators to assist them in facilitating town hall meetings on health care?

Caring for the terminally ill, aged and the disabled is at the heart of the health system reform debate. However, I do not believe that government fully appreciates the role of dialogue and deliberation, mediation or conferencing in dealing with domestic conflict. Moreover, I don’t believe there is any real interest in learning more about the different processes other than using them to meet a predetermined agenda.

I have extensive training in all three methods and recently asked the question: Is beer the new symbol of peacemaking? I was referring of course, to the much-publicized invitation that President Obama extended to Professor Gates and Officer Crowley to come to the White House for a beer. Both Gates and Crowley stated that they have agreed to disagree, and may meet at a later time to possibly discuss their conflict. Almost thirty years ago, interest-based strategies offered if an agreement could not be reached; the mediator would attempt to assist the parties to the point where they can at least agree to disagree.

Did President Obama mediate Gates and Crowley’s conflict or did he provide Gates and Crowley with “an offer they could not refuse” (reminiscent of Don Corleone)? Most would agree that interest-based strategies seek to separate the person from the problem,” that is, do not dislike the person--dislike the behavior. They stress the importance of a cognitive understanding of the problem while suppressing emotional content. Ignoring strong negative emotions will only escalate a conflict. Most would agree that name-calling, especially when making disparaging remarks about someone’s mother will escalate a conflict. The same is true of a politician, who in response to angry constituents concerns at town hall meetings, threaten to evoke her "mother's voice" in an effort to force participants to "act right."

Can hurt feelings or fears be mediated? No! Could dialogue and deliberation be an effective tool for discussing racial conflict or a nationalized system of heath care? Absolutely. However, no trained facilitator with any credibility would allow himself or herself to be used to as a pawn in an ulterior motive.

What could the conflict resolution community contribute to the town hall meetings?

2009-08-11T09:43:00.002-04:00

Caring for the terminally ill, aged and disabled is at the heart of the health care reform debate. What could the conflict resolution community contribute to the town hall meetings?

Relationship Problem?

2009-08-07T11:25:00.001-04:00

What happens when you get locked into a particular role in a relationship or stage in your life and you want to break free?

"Two Wrongs Don't Make One Right"

2009-08-01T11:42:00.003-04:00

Most would agree that two "wrongs" could never make a situation right. However, focusing on who is right and who is wrong in a conflict will only serve to prolong resolution of the conflict. Does a party in a conflict have to be wrong for the opposing party to be right? More importantly, two "rights” does not necessarily make the situation between conflicting parties "right."

What are your thoughts?

Beer, a Symbol of Peacemaking

2009-07-30T20:32:00.001-04:00

How does "sharing a beer" serve as a symbol of peacemaking?

How can opposing sides in a dispute both be right?

2009-07-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

Why can't mediation be used to resolve racial conflict?

2009-07-28T11:12:00.000-04:00

Community Mediators needed:

Individuals, in response to conflict, will retaliate, avoid, withdraw or cooperate in an effort to manage conflict.

2009-07-25T20:29:00.001-04:00

FMJ said...

Sure, there's an opportunity to have a discussion on race. There has always been an opportunity but most White folks are in denial about the pervasiveness of racism and therefore are not prepared to have the discussion. They simply don't want to be "blamed" when they see themselves as "good people." This, of course, is ironic. Many Whites don't want to be judged on the basis of a few whites individuals' acts of racism but many of these same Whites think nothing of stereotyping all Blacks and not treating Blacks as individuals.

Are Americans ready for a dialogue on race?

2009-07-24T07:04:00.000-04:00

Anonymous said...

Is an apology paramount or tantamount? For whites, racism is arbitrary and capricious. There is no shame in their tactics or approach. You see over and over in the communities of color blatant racial overtones. I was told recently by a friend that in a restaurant in an unnamed suburban community an order of sushi was placed. The recipients were of white and Asian persuasions. The white waiter placed chopsticks in front of the Asian and a fork in front of the white. The Asian immediately noticed and until the situation was outlined to the white, that person didn't get it! During the hearings of Judge Sotomayor, she was repeated pressed in an effort to make her lose control so she would show her Latino fire!! She was admittedly provoked!

EXPLRER

Don't Hate, Mediate: Is an apology "good enough" in cases where racial discrimination is claimed?

2009-07-22T13:28:00.000-04:00

Don't Hate, Mediate: Is an apology "good enough" in cases where racial discrimination is claimed?

Is an apology "good enough" in cases where racial discrimination is claimed?

2009-07-22T10:30:00.003-04:00

In the case of Harvard's Dr. Gates vs. the City of Cambridge, an apology would be paramount to an admission of error on the part of the arresting police officer. Nevertheless, an apology is what Dr. Gates seeks. Insulting a police officer and calling him a name is not a crime, particularily inside your own home. Can hurt feelings be mediated? Is there an opportunity here for an open dialogue on race?

What are your thoughts?

Millicent

"You've Gotta Know When to Hold'em and Know When to Fold'em"

2009-07-20T18:25:00.000-04:00

Tell us what you think.